This month’s post comes to you from a dear sweet friend of mine who inspires me daily. Please show her some love as she shares an intimate personal story.
I leaned over the kitchen sink and let out a sigh. It was the 5th and my next paycheck was on the 15th. I had $22 and some change to my name. My gas tank was nearly empty and I needed food. I felt that wave of panic come over me and began to cry. This wasn’t the first time I had been in this position, I reminded myself.
I remember when I had just left my abusive marriage after 14 year of hell with three small
children in tow and only able to find a part-time job to support us. I hadn’t worked in 10 years, in part, because he wouldn’t let me, and because I wanted to be the one to raise my babies. After years of abuse and neglect, my ex set out to punish me some more for leaving him –Somehow he had massaged his income to reflect the “poor house” and convinced the court he could only afford $50/month/child in support. Everything else they needed, I was on my own. Whatever he bought them, stayed at his house. Money was more than tight, it evaporated before I ever saw it.
It was the end of summer, soon the kids would need new clothes and shoes for school. But that wasn’t what was on m y mind that day. That particular day, I had $1.50 in my bank account and my cupboards were empty. I held my kids’ hands as we walked across the field and felt the tears well up. I couldn’t cry in front of them, not again. I closed my eyes and prayed – “God, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve tried everything I know to survive, but I can’t do this without you. Please help!”
Seconds later, the wind picked up and created a dust storm right in front of us. I pulled my kids in tight and as quickly as it started it passed. When I opened my eyes, there laying at my feet were two $20 bills. By this miracle, my kids would eat.
Standing at the kitchen sink, I walked through my fear. Remembering that there were many times when I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive, but somehow just did.
What tools had I used then to get myself through? Faith – believing that everything was going to be alright and life would one day be better. Gratitude – Not only for what we had, but all the good we had experienced over the years in the midst of trials. Action – Doing all that I could to help myself such as looking for a better job and asking for help when I needed it. Surrender – letting go of the results. I had done my part, but then allowing the Universe to work in my behalf. I was never really alone. I had an arsenal of tools at my disposal. I only needed to walk through this fear, stare it in the eye and say – You’re not taking me, not today.
When I was able to confront my deepest fears, they lost their power over me. In that place, in the midst of chaos, I was able to get clear enough to see the next step. In the place of fear, all we can see is the problem. In surrender, the solutions are able to appear.
Kimberlee H Anderson, CPC, ELI-MP, CMT, NHC
Kimberlee Anderson is an Empowerment Coach specializing in Optimal Health and Wellness ~ Mind, Body and Soul. She is passionate about empowering individuals to rediscover their voice, step into their power, and live out the life of their dreams– Strong, healthy and balanced. “By reconnecting with and nurturing the relationship we have with ourselves, we will find happy, healthy and thriving relationships in all aspects of our lives.”